When she was four she pinky swore
While sitting in a swing
When the promise broke in half
They snipped the tiny thing

At seventeen she married
But her husband soon was gone
She lopped off the golden wedding ring
And the finger it was on.

Mama’s got a bag of fingers
That she carries everywhere.
Mama’s got a bag of fingers
So she always has a spare

Mama’s got a bag of fingers
With excessive wear and tear
Mama’s got a bag of fingers
They need digital repair

She flipped the bird at twenty-two
At entirely the wrong time
The injured party chopped it off
So she pickled it in brine

At twenty-nine she killed a man
Because he wouldn’t linger
Instead of facing life in jail
They took her trigger finger.

Mama’s got a bag of fingers
And she’s worn them to the bone
Mama’s got a bag of fingers
Most of them her own

Mama’s got a bag of fingers
And she runs them through her hair
Mama’s got a bag of fingers
She adores it when you stare

Desperate to leave town she stuck
Her thumb out on the highway
And knocked the digit cleanly off
On the mirror of a semi.

Mama’s got a bag of fingers
They’re her dearest joy and pride
Mama’s got a bag of fingers
She couldn’t lose them if she tried

When they get a little itchy
She scratches them and sighs
She waggles them at children
Or she sneaks them into pies

She never has to lift them
She can count her way past ten
She uses them to beckon
And then frighten off the men

She keeps two tied together
In a tiny little cross
For luck she says and then she counts
The thumb wars she has lost

Mama’s got a bag of fingers
The thumbs are hard and green
She plays with them on subways
And she loves to make a scene

She cannot hold a cigarette
Or use a fork and knife
She tucks cigars between her toes
She’s spoon fed by her wife

Watch out for Mama on the road
Be careful where you look
She waves to all the passers-by
But she’s got one … hell .. of .. a .. left .. hook

Mama’s got a bag of fingers
Mama’s got a bag of fingers

If I had to be a spoon, I’d be the big one
But honestly I’d rather be a shovel
I’m happier alone in any room
My heart is an involuntary muscle.

If I told you that I loved you, I’d be lying
I’d say anything to make this conversation end.
The entire awkward time, I will be smiling
Why the hell can men and women not be friends?

I never feel the need to be protected.
I’d sooner stab my eyes than turn my back
I’ll hold you when I know that you expect it
But I’d much prefer you didn’t hold me back.

If I had to be a spoon, I’d be the big one
But honestly I’d rather be a shovel
I’m happier alone in any room
My heart is an involuntary muscle.

I’m a porcupine, so please don’t try to pet me.
My quills are hidden deep beneath my skin.
I promise if you touch me you’ll regret it
It’s getting late, I won’t warn you again.

That spoon feels mostly like a bear trap
I’ll be gnawing off my foot to get away
The weight of expectation is exhausting
There really has to be a better way.

If I had to be a spoon, I’d be the big one
But honestly I’d rather be a shovel
I’m happier alone in any room
My heart is an involuntary muscle.

It feels like winter, never spring
These wilted flowers that you bring
You’re not my keeper, here’s the thing
This honeybee is set to swing

Now hold still, honey.. this might sting
The hive is buzzing.. hear it sing
You want my love, prepare for pain
I’m a queen, don’t need no king

You say you want to come inside.
Hold on tight, it’s a hell of a ride
The man before you nearly died
Careful boy, don’t poke the hive

Don’t bring me flowers, I’ve got lots
Don’t write me love songs, I’m the boss
Dip your finger, taste the sauce.
Don’t need no sweets, I’m a honey pot.

Don’t buy me rings, I’m made of gold.
This drone of love notes leaves me cold
If you’re thinking that I’ll fold
You’ll still be waiting when you’re old

If you swell up, boy, run to mama
I’ve got no time for silly drama
I’m busy buzzy royalty
I’m Beautiful with a capital Bee.

If you come near you’ll hear the sound
That brings the boys from miles around
I’m the queen, I wear the crown
Your jealousy just brings me down

I’m not playing hard to get
I’ll walk away, no empty threat
I wouldn’t even break a sweat
So be good baby, don’t you fret.

I see you down there on one knee
While you’re down there.. well, you see
When you’re done, I’ll set you free
It’s such a shame you don’t agree

Don’t treat me like I’m made of wax
Cause this show has a second act
I’m a woman with a past
Stop blowing hot smoke up my a..

Ask me no questions, because I’ll only lie
If i give you my honey, boy, don’t stop to wonder why
Put on that striped suit, and march in like a king
When your time is up, you little pup
You’ll find I’ve clipped your wings.

Black and Yellow, round and fat
Furry coats and pointed hats
Democrats and Diplomats
This royal party’s where it’s at

I think you’ll learn to love the sting
The hive is humming.. hear it swing
You’ve had my love, you liked the pain
A honeycomb like pure cocaine.

Don’t bring me flowers, I’ve got lots
Don’t write me love songs, I’m the boss
Dip your finger, taste the sauce.
Don’t need no sweets, I’m a honey pot.

Honeybees don’t mate for life
So hold on tight, it’s a hell of a ride
I would have made a lousy wife
Careful boy, don’t poke the hive

I don’t want another drink
You’ve had way too much I think
I know it’s time for me to leave
How could I have been so naive?
You told me we would take it slow
Until I gave up saying no
This didn’t end the way … I planned
What part of no did you not un der … stand

I was scared I might offend you
Now i’m trying to pretend you
Didn’t force me to my knees you
Didn’t tell me not to tease you
Didn’t make me beg you please
You didn’t watch me slowly freeze
This is submission by degrees
Malfeasance in parentheses.

I meant NO - NO NO NO NO NO

You were acting like a Romeo
Like you were calling in a debtI owe
I was drowning in the undertow
But you said it was the afterglow
I’ll save us all the blowby blow
They tell me this is how we grow
Looking back there is one thingI know
I wasn’t your first rodeo

Cause I don’t know what I stayed for
After all the games you played, you’re
Not the sort of man I prayed for
Or I’d fall on a grenade for
Can’t obliterate this stain or
The echoes of this pain
But this will not be in vain, I swear
You won’t do this again

I meant NO - NO NO NO NO NO

My silence..
Wasn’t my permission
To force me into submission
But my vulnerable position
And your singular ambition
And the lies told by omission
Meant this wasn’t long division
There was only one condition
To the price of my admission

The entire time we’re fighting
You said isn’t this exciting
And although I felt like crying
I was trying to survive and so
I just kept right on smiling
And pretending it was fine
Things were so different in my mind
Now I’m gonna hit rewind

I said I’m grateful for the ride
But it doesn’t mean you’ll come inside
Don’t need you to change my mind
That wasn’t a releaseI signed
Just because I didn’t say the word
Doesn’t mean the lines get blurred
This day won’t end the way you planned
What part of no did you not understand

I don’t mean maybe later
I’m not an alligator
Nothing left to wait for
I wasn’t bought and paid for
I don’t want you to beg, just
Regret you ever met me
A hundred ways to say no
For yes, you’d hear me say so

I meant NO - NO NO NO NO NO

My true love is a mystery
He’s magical and wise
I lost him on the sofa
When he closed his eyes.
My true love is a writer
He told me, it’s a fact.
That’s why he keeps his extra ink
Neatly in a sack.

Oogie oogie oogie

He’s the Mata Hari Of Calamari
He’s the Captain Kidd Of Squid
He’s an Act of God, a Cephalopod
He’s the Octopus named Sid.

My love, he is a swimmer.
He told me, so it’s true.
He takes a cold bath every day.
That’s why his skin is blue.
My true love had a siamese twin
He told me, I believe
That’s why he has two extra arms
Sprouting from each sleeve

Oogie oogie oogie.

He’s the Mata Hari Of Calamari
He’s the Captain Kidd Of Squid
He’s an Act of God, a Cephalopod
He’s the Octopus named Sid.

His suckers sink into my skin
Pulling bits of me within
Ink surrounds us in a cloud
Hiding what i’m on about

He was spellbound by my lack of limbs.
Two above and two below
But he met a snake last christmas
And left me in the snow

Oogie oogie oogie